Jokes about Seriousness

Today was a strange day. Dreams became nightmare the moment I opened my eyes at 5am. I woke up wanting to be distracted. I thought about work. I checked my mail, I got my job back after only minutes of negotiation. Cool, I thought. I started working with speed. I still got it. Writing without feelings. Detached. Writing for money.

Break time. I had my generic brunch: fish and rice. I kept writing. My cousin came for a visit. He needed the computer. My job went undone. My friends at UP sms'd: we're going to conquer Tagum. I bathe, fixed myself. My cousin worked on the computer still. We ordered pizza. It was too small for us. I told my cousin I needed to finish my job. He talked to my brother. He poured his heart out. His mom & dad separating. His kid and partner surviving. The small business failing. Frustrations. Lamentations.

I finished the work. I went out. I met Kae and Cathy at a church. Of all places. These working girls. University buddies. Good friends. Young. UP Dreamers. Cathy: unhappy with the bank job after four days. Kae: unhappy with working environment at real estate office. Tagum was an escape. Travel therapy. A new environment. Idealists, like me. Kae: "it's not hard to find a job, it's hard to keep one". Cathy: "when you're tired whining about your meager problems, take a bus ride with a friend and go to Tagum". My helpful ears. My trying-to-be-mature advice. I was there, helpful after all.

I was miserable too. I just hide it too well. I thought: here are two girls worrying about work, while I worried more whether my heart still works. In the end, I made them laugh. Then.. something dawned on me. I realized I haven't thrown a genuine joke for a month. I was  too afraid to laugh at myself. Cool. I finally joked. I laughed. They laughed. I was able to laugh. Throwing jokes. Antics. I made them laugh. I can still make people laugh. I can. I did.

These girls, idealists. Like me. Confused, too many options. Lost, getting familiar with the world. Hopeful, wanted change.Vain, emphasizing too much on self happiness. The young and the hopeful. I like the burning idealism. I cherish it while it's still there. I love even just to hear them.

We ended the night buying fruits as pasalubong to their families. I accompanied them to the bus terminal. I heard Kae asking me how to pay the bus fee. I smiled deep inside. That plain innocence. I hugged them both, they made my day. I made one last joke about bus hostages. It was awful. They got scared. It made me smile again. Plain innocence.

I went home thinking, I hope I made the best out of their trip.

I went home telling myself, you managed to joke about seriousness. Finally.